Marriage is glorious if you allow God lead. Every tip I will be sharing here is based on Christ the Solid Rock. If your marriage is not based on Jesus Christ, then when the storms of life rage, that marriage may come crumbling down. My prayer for you is that, you will prayerfully submit your marriage to God and ask Him to take charge from henceforth.
Below are some tips to help save or salvage your marriage. It may not be applicable in all cases but I am convinced that you will definitely find some of these tips useful and workable.
Living a life of pretence with your spouse is going to open doors to the enemy to attack your home. The bible tells us that the devil is the father of those who tell lies. If you’re deceitful in your dealings with your spouse, then God is not your father. If God is not your father, who will you turn to in times of trouble?
Some partners hide their wages from each other. No one knows exactly what the other is earning. There is a problem brewing here. What’s the secrecy all about? Where there is no trust in marriage, there is no future. How can you plan your future with someone you don’t trust?
If you are consciously hiding vital information from your spouse, please repent. Ask God to give you the grace to be transparent and truthful with your spouse and ask Him to also do same to your partner.
- Finding faults
Some people are hard to please. No matter what you do, they’ll always find fault. You tidy up the house, they come home and complain you forgot to dust a thing or two. No appreciation whatsoever on the job done, they only complain about the undone ones. You cook a meal, they come home and wonder why you didn’t cook something else, forgetting that they never requested for a particular meal.
Being married to such a spouse isn’t easy at all, but the bible assures us that we have a Helper and Comforter. He is called the Holy Spirit. He will also strengthen you to do all things. Take for instance my case. I am married to someone with very high standards, whereas I’m more of a carefree type. So it took the help of the Holy Spirit to shape me up. Today, we live peacefully because I know how he prefers things done and I follow that pattern, even though I may have my ways. I submit to his, because this is what pleases the Lord.
So, the key to succeed in this case, is grace. You need help from above, so go ahead and ask.
- Don’t expect appreciation.
It’s very disheartening when you put in your best to do something and no one seems to appreciate it. Sometimes your spouse does it on purpose. He or she pretends not to see the neatly arranged parlour or the beautifully made bedroom. How about that special dinner you just fixed? All goes unnoticed. Very painful indeed. Be consoled by this word of God, which says :
Colossians 3:23-24 (KJV)
And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;
Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.
Never do anything expecting a thank you from your spouse. Do all unto God, for He is your rewarder. He alone can pay you back for the love, time and energy invested into building your home. While you tend to the Master’s job (which is being a good homemaker, God will in turn work on your spouse, to bring forth a better version of him or her).
- Communication is vital.
We all know the important role Communication plays in making any marriage successful.
In your marriage, don’t assume. Always clarify things. Pass your message in a timely manner; that is, watch out for his or her mood and be precise.
Try to speak about important issues, so that you’ll always get his or her attention. If you keep speaking on every issue that comes up at home, you’ll soon start sounding boring. Learn to speak to your Heavenly Father on some issues, rather than presenting all to your spouse.
Speak clearly and don’t assume he or she has heard, but chose to ignore you. That may not be the case. Sometimes, when I have a very important issue to tell my spouse, I send a message to his phone. It may be a bit lengthy but unambiguous. I don’t do this often, so when he receives such messages, he considers it important and takes time to read it, so no information is lost.
- Touch your spouse
Touch is another way of communicating with your spouse. Sometimes a simple touch on the arm of your spouse as you walk pass him or her could simply mean I care.
Touch has a way of breaking down tension in the home, especially when communication has failed.
Just a gentle touch on any part of the body and walk away without saying a word. It helps heal the mind and rekindles love.
- Ignore certain things.
Not every matter should be brought forward for discussion. Learn to ignore some things and let God handle it. If you keep pointing out your spouse’s mistakes, you may make him or her feel uncomfortable around you or worse still, you end up sounding like a nag. Just ignore. Always pray for your spouse and believe God is able to resolve any marital problems you may be facing now.
- Keep doing good.
Doing good to someone who loves you and reciprocates same, does not count much. Whereas, doing good to someone who doesn’t love or appreciate you, is the biblical way. We are admonished to love our enemies, how much more your spouse?
Love your spouse and keep doing good and trust God to turn things around in your favour. Don’t pay back evil for evil, it won’t yield any beneficial result.
- Learn to forgive
It is easier to forgive someone who hurts you and tenders an apology, but how easy is it to forgive someone who hurts you but doesn’t apologise? Do you resent that person and store up the hurt in your heart? Most likely yes, but that is not the solution.
The best thing is to forgive even when no apology has been tendered. Just let it go. Yes, it’s not easy but with the help of the Holy Spirit you can always forgive your spouse, even when he or she hasn’t apologised.
When you do this, you feel good, happy and relaxed. Whereas, resentment and bitterness keep you tensed up, unhappy and it’s not good for your health.
- Speak calmly and softly
When your spouse gets upset and starts speaking in a loud voice, stay calm and respond in a soft tone. Your calm soft response has a way of calming the nerves, while a rude sharp response would only feed the anger in him or her.
Don’t consider yourself a weakling when you act like this. This is the way of the Lord, and it usually brings fantastic results.
Proverbs 15:1 says; “A soft word turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
- Involve God
If you want to succeed in your marriage, then Involve God. He is the solution provider and your guide. He will teach you all things and lead you to the truth you need to know about your spouse, marriage, career, etc. God is all knowing and He is willing to share what He knows with you, if you will let Him.
In times of trouble, stay calm and talk to Him like you would with a friend. He is listening and will surely arise for you.